blurry at the edges
by whizz
Summary: Tonight, she was dreaming about the people dressed in white. -Riku & Kairi, Naminé & Kairi-


**anime/manga; **Kingdom Hearts **  
pairing; **none in particular, more like RikuKairi friendship**  
warnings; **weirdness. angst. curses (?)**  
disclaimer; **I do not own Kingdom Hearts or these characters. **  
summary; **Tonight, she was dreaming about the people dressed in white. [Riku & Kairi, Naminé & Kairi]

&**&**&

**T**ime seemed to go by in an agonizing pace, Kairi thought, and especially so when you were waiting for somebody. In the back of her mind she could still distinguish the very same voice that had been on constant replay in her head, soft and melodic despite the trace of time (stained by age, pictures snapped and saved in her memory, flickering in black and white's - her world consisted of him).

"_I'll come back to you. I promise._"

And even if all the logic in the world was against her, she still believed in the determination of those eyes, as deep and blue as the sky. She still believed in childhood promises covered in fairy dust and spider webs that one way or another would lead her back to that boy she almost-but-not-quite remembered, slowly linking all of the loose chains in her memory back together.

"_I know you will!_"

And she did. She did, she did, she did.

&**&**&

"**K**airi, you've not been yourself lately", Selphie observed over the buzzing of the school cafeteria, watching the redhead with expectant eyes from across the other side of the usual table in the back.

"I'm fine, Selph", came the instant and almost rehearsed answer, the absence in Kairi's voice and her cerulean eyes reflecting complete blankness telling her brunet friend all she needed to know. Selphie huffed in a petulant manner, brows knitting together.

"You expect me to believe that? Honestly, Kai! I can tell when something's on your mind."

Kairi didn't answer, she just poked around a little in the food on her plate - she didn't really feel like eating, well, anything these days - oceanic eyes cast downwards and teeth grazing her bottom lip, the redhead tried to remember what Selphie was like before she had started to worry so much, before she had started to think that Kairi had lost her mind - just like the rest of them.

"Oh, I know what this is all about. It's that boy again, isn't it? Isn't it, Kairi?"

(tell them I'm not crazy, please, please tell them-

_Oh, but princess, you know I don't tell lies._)

"..Yes."

(spiky but soft to the touch, his disheveled halo of cinnamon-colored hair surrounding his angelic face)

"Kairi, I _know _that you don't like hearing this, but.."

(wide eyes painted in all shades of baby blue imaginable, shining with a light so glorious it almost _hurt _to look directly at them)

"Cut it out already! Selphie, I've told you, I'm _not _making this up! I know that he used to live here, with us, and-"

(relaxed posture and a skinny body hiding great strength, trademark grin plastered upon thin lips)

"How come _no one _but you remembers him, then? Kairi, I'm sorry, you know that I love you and you're my friend - but I hate seeing you like this. Ever since Riku.."

(a picture so perfect she couldn't stand keeping it locked inside of her memory any longer - the mental snapshot of the boy with a ringing laugh and dazzling eyes slowly started to fade when tainted with age, and she just couldn't remember-)

"Shut up! Shut up, shut up, shut _up_!" Kairi screeched, standing so quickly it caused her chair to promptly fell over. With something seemingly ablaze inside of her and something stinging behind her azure eyes, she rushed out of the cafeteria-

(and away from the judgmental looks sent after her, away from the rumors just waiting to be spread, away from people who _didn't understand_).

&**&**&

**N**ot many things could compare to the soothing waves of the ocean as they brushed her bare feet, somehow managing to calm her boiling blood. She always came here to think; but then again, this was a place that held such precious memories.

Well, she couldn't really recall half of them, but she just knew that something was there, lingering beneath the shiny surface of the sea that told so many lost tales of friendship and love and ties of promises ripped apart.

Just knew that there was something _more _than the dull reflection of herself - the one she had seen so many times before, the same crimson bangs framing her tanned face and indigo eyes - glimmering at her from the depth of the seemingly bottomless ocean.

And if she closed her eyes and listened to the whining of the wind as it brushed the palm leaves high above, or the splashing of the tidal waves as they hit the shore only to gently be dragged back, she could almost hear the echo of happy laughter and squeals as three best friends ran across the beach-

(hot sand shifting beneath bare toes and sand grains splattering everywhere as they rushed forward, two boys and one little redheaded girl)

-nothing but sunshine on their way, highlighting their innocent dreams of happy-ever-after's (that's how she imagined it to be, as she let herself be swept away by the familiar sounds and scents of the island she loved oh-so-dearly).

But at the line where fantasy and reality blur, (sepia-stained images fluttering before turning pitch black) she realized that at the end of the day, she was still alone. And she was still accused of being insane.

Training her gaze on the horizon, she waited for something - _someone - _to just suddenly appear and chase her doubts away. But wistful thinking was silly (as if she didn't know that already) and she couldn't just expect him - the _boy_ - to pop out of the sky, right?

Time seemed to go by at an agonizing pace indeed, Kairi decided. But she waited nonetheless.

&**&**&

"**R**estoration at 48 percent", Naminé mumbled absently through chapped lips as her bony fingers fumbled to meet Kairi's lean, longer ones through the barrier of polished glass - the only thing seperating them from actually touching.

"You mean, pretty soon I'm going to remember all about him, right?" Kairi interpreted.

"Yes", came the even answer, a small smile tugging at the blonde's thin lips.

"And then everybody will see for themselves that I'm not crazy - that he actually exists", Kairi mumbled to the mirror.

"Yes", the harmonic voice agreed.

"What would I do without you, Naminé? You're the only one who understands me."

"Of course", the pale girl nodded. "So don't you worry. I know the truth - I know you're not crazy."

"Yeah", Kairi replied, pressing her forehead against the other girl's - well, as much as she could through the reflective surface - and inhaled a few times, over and over again. Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe-

"Yeah", she repeated, this time a little more convincing. "Yeah. Yeah."

The azure eyes framed by a blurry violet - identical with Kairi's own - smiled at her knowingly.

&**&**&

**S**he often dreamed at night. Nightmares, to be precise.

Sometimes, it was about a huge and highly dangerous storm suddenly emerging from the dark clouds that had been building up above her precious island; the familiar and otherwise calm, soothing sea turned into violent waves as sharp as knives, pounding against the shore. The tall tree branches from her childhood on which all the kids had carved their names into fell rapidly - ruthless and unmerciful - tumbling onto anything that may stand in their way.

She woke up sweaty and shaking after being jerked from the bone-chilling screams and the absolute look of _terror_ crossing aqua-colored eyes, right before-

("_We're best fwiends, right?_"

"_I dunno if I can be best friends with a girl. They're pretty yucky!_"

"_I'm not yucky, I pwomise!_"

"_You sure_?"

"_Yeah! Can we be best fwiends now_?"

"_Alright._"

And she almost-not-quite remembered the feel of spiky (smooth) chocolate- (silver-) colored hair against her skin as her tiny arms pulled the other into a hug).

Sometimes, it was about dark creatures with menacing yellow eyes that _glowed_, their sharp nails clawing at her from the shadows that only seemed to inch closer as the moments passed; trapping her, surrounding her, frantically trying to rip her heart out and leave her to the darkness drained of pity. She'd run and run and _scream _for help-

("_Naminé! Naminé, where are you? Help me, please help me!_"

"_I can't help you unless you can help yourself, princess_.")

-but to no avail. Sooner or later, the dim beasts would track her down and the last thing she'd see would be their hollow sockets, radiating a mad yellow light, before everything turned so black she couldn't even tell if she had her eyes open or closed.

She'd wake up with tears streaming down her face, ruining the make-up she didn't bother to wash away before she went to sleep, leaving ugly black trails of eyeliner smudged against her swollen cheeks. The gentle voice of Naminé would be there to greet her, a reassurance Kairi thought she might break without.

Sometimes, her dreams were about stoic-looking men and women dressed in white (but not the pure, calming white Naminé would always wear - a white so blazing it jabbed into her pretty eyes, forcing her to close them). They talked to her in monotone syllables and asked her stupid questions and insisted that she ate something - _anything, _for God's sake! - and reminded her about the pills by her bedside table, _two in the morning and two after sunset. _They would mess with her head and bring up painful memories better left forgotten - and Kairi would hate every second of it.__

She'd wake up greedily gasping for shallow air to fill her empty lungs with, tangled into sheets and whatnot as she tried to calm down, repeating the words _itsokayimfineitwasjustanightmareitsnotreal__oh_like a mantra, rocking forth and back and pretending not to hear the jeering laughter echoing off the four walls, sounding suspicially like Naminé's voice, mocking her stupidity.

Kairi let her fingers ghost over the sharp curves of the (not so-) lucky charm that promised her the world and so much more, tucked safely beneath the white and way too big button-up shirt in her bottom drawer.

&**&**&

"**H**ey, Kairi, it's me.. I just, uh, I came to visit and-"

Words. Pointless, meaningless, worthless words. They blurred together and made it hard to pick up actual sentences.

"-aware that we haven't really talked since _that time _so I just wanted to-"

Kairi's head was throbbing at the sight of the usually chirpy brunet for some reason unknown - or forgotten, perhaps.

"-look a _lot _better, really, I'm glad that you seem to be doing so fine-"

Selphie was really trying - really, she was - but her presence struck a chord deep within the redhead nonetheless.

"-for the best, right? Anyway, I'm just really sorry so-"

"Get out", Kairi finally snapped, pale piano-fingers clutching her forehead, trying to soothe the heavy pressure building up behind it without much success.

"What?"

Pure disbelief displayed on the other's round eyes and she didn't even bother to acknowledge her mouth that was hanging agape. Selphie looked like she hadn't slept well lately, Kairi noticed. As if the deep bags under her eyes that no concealer could hide wasn't proof enough.

"Get out. Right now."

Taking a hesitant step backwards, Selphie dragged her tounge across dry lips.

"Kairi, are you serious? I'm your best friend! I just-"

("_There! 'Best friends forever', see? Told you I could totally spell it!_"

Three words scribbled quite messily across the wall with a small, pointy rock.

"_Wow, you learn a lot in school, huh? Hey, what __is__ this place, anyway?_"

Small rays of sunlight seeping in through the cracks of the stone-roof and the plants that were visible. A cave.

"_It's a place I found yesterday! Pretty neat, huh? But Kairi, remember not to tell anyone about it - it'll be our secret, alright? Our secret place!_"

Best friends forever.

"_Alright, S-_"

(R-)

And then it all got blurry at the edges).

"You're not! You're not, you're not, and _neither is he- _not anymore, he-"

One. Two. Three.

Tonight, she was dreaming of the people dressed in white again.

&**&**&

"**Y**ou like to draw, huh, Naminé?"

"Yes", came the instant answer, a puff of tangy perfume emitting as the girl swooped her sunshine-colored hair to the side, casually draping it over one bony shoulder. The blonde's piercing blue eyes seemed to make Kairi's skin itch in all kinds of ways.

"I suck at drawing", the redhead explained nonchalantly, not meeting the other's gaze through the mirror. "So, what do you draw, anyways?"

"Memories. Mostly."

Silence followed. It wasn't really an uncomfortable one - rather, one where unspoken thoughts hung heavily in the air; a silence they both understood and silently agreed on. Kairi broke it, eventually, not really wanting to _find out _but too curious not to ask.

"Could you draw my memories?"

More silence. This one took its time settling inbetween them, heart(s) pounding in anticipation.

"You mean your lost ones?" Naminé drawled, focusing her keen gaze on the other. Kairi nodded, not really sure if words were enough right now.

The blonde watched her quietly, not once tearing her eyes off.

"I could", she eventually admitted, voice low. "I _intend_ to. But see, a memory can't be restored unless one is sacrificed."

Kairi adverted her eyes.

"You mean I.. I'd have to choose?"

"Yes."

"There's no other way?"

"No."

The redhead bit her bottom lip, pulse hammering and blood rushing to her head. It was almost surreal that she could have all of the memories back right this instant and remember the sun's gentle whisper over her once-bronzed skin and the feel of strong fingers laced with her own, the scent of salty water and sunblock clouding the stifling air and-

(_best friends forever_)

-and that precious, precious boy.

"Then I know what my choice will be."

Naminés smile was melancholic and her crayon _accidentally _snapped as she _accidentally _pressed it a little too hard to the paper, one dazzling color from finishing her masterpiece.

And oh, what a masterpiece it'd be.

&**&**&

"**W**hat do you mean it's a lie?"

"I mean that I've not been completely truthful, Kairi."

Heart thumping.

White. Blinding white.

And the static of those _eyes._

&**&**&

"**C**ause of death?"

"Suicide. Apparently, she had some sort of sharp object hidden in her drawer that she used to.."

"And the nurses didn't notice?" Shock was clearly written all over Nurse Aerith's pretty green eyes.

Dr. Leonhart shrugged, grey eyes tired and weary. He'd seen and heard it all before; stuff so strange and sick and _wrong _that nothing really surprised him anymore.

"Apparently not. The report did say it was some sort of souvenir, though - a 'lucky charm', I believe Nurse Yuffie claimed it to be. But.."

"That's awful", the girl whispered, brows furrowed as she quickly glanced over the paper where all of Kairi Panettiere's information was written in neat letters. Day of birth, blood type, occupation, her behaviour pattern and.. at the very end, day of death.

"The corpse was found in front of the mirror she used daily according to the schedule she was given. You know, where the patients try to make improvements by looking at their reflection and slowly start to accept themselves, flaws and all."

"I know, I..", Nurse Aerith paused to lick her suddenly dry lips. "I saw it. Her body. And the blood on the mirror, and the.. But I couldn't stay. I couldn't stand watching it."

"She had very strange symptoms, though, if I must say so myself. A certain type of schizophrenia, highly uncommon and.."

"I also know that she had hallucinations so convincing it took _hours _to get her to snap out of it. Poor little thing.. she had to take so many medicines, and she rarely even ate the food I brought her. To think that she was only here for a month.." Nurse Aerith trailed off.

The newspaper on the desk was facing the ceiling; page four, a blurry picture in black and white and some horrific headline written in bold letters.

"She got depressed at a young age, and apprently the memories were so traumatic she repressed them and re-constructed them the way she wanted them to be - the way it _should _have been had it not been for that accident. When she came here, something had triggered those hidden memories and that made her even more confused. She couldn't tell the difference between reality and her fantasy world", Dr. Leonhart explained in a stern and ever-professional voice.

"It's just so sad, right?"

"I guess. But maybe this made her pain go away. She seemed to be suffering from a lot", he mumbled.

Nurse Aerith shook her head.

"Poor, poor thing."

They left the room, shoes going _clank clank _against the floor, echoing in the empty (plain white) hallways.

&**&**&

**O**ne.

_A huge storm broke out over Destiny Islands last night at 9:45 pm. Several damages were done and the islands are yet to recover from the terrible loss it has suffered. Numerous people were hurt and one teenager was found dead. The storm was approximately-_

And another one.

_-shook the inhabitants of Destiny Islands. Riku Harada, age 16, was unfortunately found lifeless on the shore and pronounced dead immediately. Apparantly a huge palm tree had been knocked over due to the strong wind and hit him, breaking several bones in his body before it caused him to fall right into the ocean. All of the cottages have been-_

And yet another one.

-_one of the invovled, a young teenage boy, unfortunately died. The doctors suspect that he died instantly, seeing as he had several injuries; a broken arm, several broken ribs, scull fractures, ripped flesh and open wounds. "It was a mess", an inhabitant have confirmed. "And it's such a shame, too; Riku was so young - he had his whole life ahead of him." The islands have since long-_

And hundereds of them; articles, ripped pictures, brief columns. The memories of him stayed alive, despite his moving on.

_-only eye-witness was a 15-year old girl, Kairi Penettiere, who was also good friends with the deceased boy. She has chosen to not make any comments. Apparantly, she was with Riku Harada at the tragic event of his death, and-_

Even all the newspapers in the world wouldn't make up for it, re-writing the story in a oh-so heart-wrenching manner, making it seem more like a teary movie than an actual event. Than an actual _loss. _Than the actual void slowly eating a certain redhead's insides.

(Best friends forever-__

"Riku, don't ever change."

"Alright. Then, don't ever forget me."

"Alright.")

Thalassa shells clinking together as she swung her arm forth and back, the home-made bracelets too big for her skinny wrists.

_"Ri-ku! C'mon, let's get out of here - look at those clouds! Maybe it'll rain!"_

(Storm. It was a horrible storm.)__

"Eh, a little rain never hurt anyone, right Kai? We can stay here, under the tree. That way we won't get wet."

Blur. Blurry. Nothingness.

are you all going wuuut now? i hope i didn't mess up and make it all so weird that no one got it in the end. you did get it, didn't you? riku + kairi equals best friends. kairi equals schizo. namine equals kairi's other schizo part. sora equals someone kairi made up so that she could at least have one best friend that she knew was coming back for her (with their "promise" and all) but really, he doesn't exist - she kinda imagined him to make up for the loss of riku. confusing? hell yeah. but that was the point. kinda.  
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End file.
